It's beyond me...

I must admit that some of the kids are doing better. So I thank God for that. Now I must share our latest update so you can have a good laugh and if anything, pray for me.

Our oldest still continues to amaze me. Her discipline consists of talks and redirections more than anything else. Sometimes I can see that she is agitated for being corrected, yet she controls her frustration and is back to normal in no time. She is also becoming more considerate and thoughtful beyond her years. For example, I asked her one day to switch my laundry (which contained my sheets) from the washer to the dryer after she had pulled her clothes out while I went to a meeting. In addition to babysitting her younger siblings, I asked if she could pull my laundry out of the dryer when they were done and bring them up to my room. I came home and she had put away my towels and made my bed! I was blown away by her thoughtfulness to do that.

Now our second eldest, the one who was bucking the school's authority, is doing amazing at school. Occasionally, she'll have a note saying she needed a little more redirection than normal, but those are so much better than before. The part we are working on now is her social skills away from school and accepting her sister's authority while being babysat. We went over to a friend's house where the boys (the oldest is five) are allowed to play soccer in their room. However, our eleven, almost twelve, year old daughter decided she could play too and kicked the ball so hard it broke a light fixture in the room. Why I have to explain to her the difference between a five year old playing soccer in the house is different from an almost twelve year old is beyond me. For nights that require babysitting, she now has to go to her room for the evening becuase she is undermining her older sister's authority. She asked if two friends from down the street could come over to play knowing it was against the rules to have friends over while her Dad and I are gone. When our oldest told her no, she threw a fit! We told her she has to earn the freedom to come out of her room while we are gone. The blessing is that now she is making a few bad choices that are big rather than alot of bad choices. We are getting somewhere with her.

Our middle child is doing well in school now too. And for the most part is doing well at home too. Her thing is that every now and then, she'll make a bad, spur-of-the-moment decision that has a heavy consequence - like sending a kid to the ER for putting paper in his ear. Well, her thing this last few weeks is that she went over to a friend's house and decided to climb his shed over the fence onto the hood of their nice car! The mom saw it and very kindly came over to tell me what she just did. Why our daughter thinks it's ok do this is beyond me. She knows that is unacceptable behavior at home. I just thanked God that she didn't do any damage to their car and that the neighbors are nice and still like us (I think!).

Our fourth child is doing much better at school too. This is a nice break from all the messages I was recieving a few weeks before. His problem is that same as the other two. He is doing better, but occassionally makes a bad choice that makes you say, "What in the world were you thinking?" Which I know is a stupid question to ask a child because the automatic response that comes back at you is, "I don't know." He undermined his sister's authority one day by telling our youngest that she was wrong and he didn't have to lister to her. He got the same punishment as our second eldest - off to his room while I am gone. They have plenty of things to occupy thier time in there. The kicker story, though, is that our neighbors (the same ones with the car that our daugheter climbed) told us that one morning the mom and son were gone when our child went over to see if their son could play. He found the door open, but instead of knocking, he proceeded to walk right in and starting yelling their son's name over and over not knowing that the dad was still trying to sleep. Again, why our son thinks it's ok to do that is beyond me. He knows better.

And lastly, our youngest, is still having some major battles between good and bad. He gets better for a little while then slips into a series of bad choices that make me ask again, "What were you thinking?" to him all the while knowing the automatic response before I can stop myself. So here goes his story... I have now recieved seven phone calls from the school in seven weeks. The first two and the second two were in the last post in regards to my second and fourth children. The last three phone calls have been about this one. For the most part, his behavior at school has improved alot this year. It's his impulsivity that gets him in trouble. The first phone call came, without his knowing, about him stealing a teacher appreciation gift that another child left on his teacher's desk. He told her he found it, and she politely told him thank you and to please put it back. Well, he decided to eat the treat. When he got home, I asked how he did for the day. He pulled out his folder and showed me a green smiley face which took me by surprise. When I looked closely, he had erased (very well) the big X that crossed it out and the note that went with it. Stealing and deception... not a good combo. He lost snacks for a week and had to buy her a whole box of the treats with his allowance to pay her back. Two days after that, we got another phone call that he "found" his friend's toy and put it in his pocket. He had to give it back. But then when he came home, we heard from our other children that he gave a toy away to our neighbor. That means he stole twice? We got the toy back, wrote a note asking how he got that one too. Turns out that the child gave that one to him since he tried to steal the other toy. My goodness! It's hard to get it all straightened out. The third phone call came because he hurt another child while playing outside. All I can think of is, "Where the heck did he learn to act like this?" And the story continues... Then we found out that he stole, sometime ago, AWANA dollars. AWANAs is our Sunday afternoon Bible club where they earn money for coming to club and saying scriptures. Then they can spend the money at the store to earn really nice things. I had to confiscate all of his money because I had no idea what he truly earned versus what he stole. He watched all the kids buy things this last Sunday. I felt bad for him because I wanted to him to reap the benefits of his hard work in memorizing all those verses. Though I wish those verses would peirce beyond his head into his heart. It's frustrating watching your babies make mistakes and then reap the consequences for their actions. I want to protect them from it sometimes, yet I know it will only make it worse in the longrun. It's beyond me where he feels the freedom to act on those impulses.

So again, we are doing better, but still have a ways to go. I am learning so much through my kids about how God sees us. His love never decreases with our bad choices. Yes, we sometimes have to face the consequences of our actions, but God loves us through it instead of shielding us from it. He disciplines us because He loves us. And so I must discipline my kids because I love them. He never said it would be easy because there is a war going on for thier hearts. I must continue to perservere with love and patience, just like my Father.

Thanks for taking interest in, reading about, and praying for our family!

In Him,

Melissa

Living a Bill Cosby Episode

I feel like the last month of my life has been a Bill Cosby episode. He had five kids, we have five kids. They made some stupid choices, ours are doing the same. The only thing that brings me sanity through some of the discipline is to laugh about it, when the kids aren't looking, of course. Let's just say, I am building up my ammunition of blackmail on my children for when they get older. And all I will say when they cry, "MOM! Don't tell that story!" is "Well, you did it. If you didn't want me to tell it, then you shouldn't have done it."

So here goes the last month -

A couple of weeks ago, my 11 year old (almost 12 year old) decided to start bucking the school's authority. She didn't believe them when they asked her to stop talking so much, stop distracting her peers, and not chew gum in school. We warned her that we may pull her out of school if her behavior is impeding other's learning. Her way to solve this? Get worse. She got two detentions for chewing gum, hid a satin pajama top in her backpack and changed at school, then got a teacher conference with five teachers and the counselor in less than two weeks. At home, she kept undermining her older sister's authority and proceeded to climb a windowsill in her little brother's room while three boys turned his dresser into a stairstep to get to the top of a wardrobe. Things are not going well for her.

On to the next child, my 8 year old is doing better, but still has some new things that we crossed in the same time frame as the one above. She chose not to do her homeowork one night and ended up losing TV priveleges for the rest of the week, then used her TVless time to undermine her oldest sister's authority (same situation as the 11 year old) as well as watch her youngest brother and two other boys climb a wardrobe. She didn't think she needed to say anything. She has been doing well at school. However, last week we got a note from the teacher saying that another parent complained about our daughter. She used a pencil to put paper into the child's ear which consquently led to him going to the ER to get it removed. I can say now that one of my children has put another in the ER.

The next one is 7 years old. We thought our sweet little boy was doing great in school because his previous sememster brought raving reviews from his teacher. Well, I was wrong. (I remind you, this is the same time span as the previous two stories.) He brought home his 3rd report card where his teacher stated that he was very difficult this past nine weeks. He was passively aggressive with his teachers, moved alot, and kept distracting his peers. Wow! How did I not know? So, I asked to teacher to contact me daily through a behavior log or email to let me know when I needed to intervene. We got a phone call from the vice principal that he made a mess with water in the bathroom so bad that the janitor had to come clean it up. Then a few days ago, I got another call that he tried to forge my signature on a bad behavior note from Monday. At home, I started seeing the passive aggressiveness too. I told him to do something, and he looked straight at me and said, "I don't want to!" Excuse me?!?! He was also party to the wardrobe climbing in his room.

Then my littlest one is the 6 year old. He is a boy. And I know that boys will be boys. They just need to be redirected alot. But here goes his story too (same time frame also). He started behaving well at school. His bad days are much less frequent, praise God! However, at home he started making some poor choices. He decided to steal gum from our local store and when he was caught with it several days later, he told us he found it on the bus. We didn't realize until two days later that it was a whole pack from the store, not a few peices found on the ground. He gave it to his brother (the story above - so just add this account to his too!). Then they "hid" the other peices they chewed along with all the wrappers. We smelled it on our seven year old's breath right before prayer time. They confessed to the six year old finding it on the bus and sharing it. We thought that was all. They were disciplined and put to bed. The next day came and all was good until bedtime again. We went to say nighttime prayers and our seven year old came downstairs with gum breath AGAIN! Only this time it was a different flavor. We questioned him and found out the six year old stole a 15-pack of gum for his oldest sister and gave it some of it to him... to hide. We found some stashed on both of their bookshelves, underneath one of their pillows, in between the footboard and the covers, chewed gum in between playing cards, stuck to items in their room... It was disgusting. While searching for the last few unnaccounted peices, I found a few more miscellaneous items. Our six year old hid our laundry clorox bleach pens in the pocket of his blanket. While seaching his bookshelf, we found one of his older sister's nice peice of jewely. And the straw that broke the camels back... we found my husband's dress watch that he stole from our dresser. Once we found the last item, we stripped his room of everything, but the mattress and a blanket. We explained that everything he had was given to him as a gift and that he needed to earn them back by not stealing. Upon removing his furniture, we found more gum stuck to the walls, one stuck to the top of his wardrobe and lots of wrappers. Let's just say, he has a very easy time cleaning his room right now.

My oldest daughter has sat back with a look of surprise as each of her younger siblings beats their head against the wall of Biblical values. She has amazed me in her maturity to not join in, but also help when she can. I thank God for at least one sane child at this time.

I also forgot to mention, that my husband has been tdy for alot of this! I can't wait for him to get back.

In closing, I want to preface that I LOVE my kids and I know that they are a huge blessing from the LORD. There are days, maybe even weeks, where they drive me crazy and I think I can't keep up with them. But I know God made them who they are and I have been praying that He will give me wisdom to redirect them in a way that breaks their will, but not their spirit. So, if you ever feel this way, you are not alone. Now I am praying that whatever possessed my children overnight to leave. I want their sweet little personalities back.

I pray that this story has made you laugh as well as let you know we are a real family, with real love, real trials, and a real God who makes all things work together for His good.

In Him,

Melissa

Spring Break - Our First Cruise

We had the privelege to experience our first cruise this spring break. And it was so much fun! We started off by leaving for our twelve hour drive to Barcelona, Spain at 9 pm and putting the kids to bed in the van. They did a great job getting some sleep. We were able to drive for five hours before our first potty break and then another five before our second potty break and breakfast. We got to Spain early enough to do a little sight seeing, but then made our way to the ship.

We were able to see Casablanca, Agidir, the Canary Islands, Madiera, and Malaga while on our nine day cruise. A part of me felt guilty for spending money to take our family on the cruise. However, during one of my quiet times on the ship, I felt like God was saying to me, "Let me bless you! Let me show you my creation that I made for you. I gave you the finances to be able to see this. Don't ruin this moment by worrying about the cost." Boy, was I humbled by that thought - God wants to bless me and show me His creation. Once I settled that thought, I thoroughly enjoyed the breaktaking sights and seeing other cultures.

Besides all the sightseeing, the cruiselines had so many fun activities to choose from. I took line dancing lessons. Mike and I learned how to salsa dance. Bryan and I were able to participate in a family game. The kids LOVED the kids' place. We enjoyed the fantanstic shows that they had onboard every night. Mike and I participated in a game of family fued (and lost). Stasia had the freedom to hang out with the teen group and enjoy a 1 am curfew. The kids enjoyed the family scavenger hunt. Then all the food!!! There is so much more we could add to the list.

I have changed my mind about cruises. They are fantastic. We didn't have to worry about where to eat and sleep which is two of our biggest hassles as a large traveling family. I can't wait to go on our next one... though it will be a few years. : ) We still need to recoup from this one.

Thanks, God! Your creation still amazes me.

In Him,

Melissa

Happy birthday to me... from the LORD

So today is my and my twin sister's 35th birthday. My husband, so politely, reminded me that I am halfway to 40. His 35th birthday is a few months behind mine, hence the taunting. I believe that in all his joking, he was saying that he loves being married to an older (and wiser) woman. I am looking at the situation as my glass is half full!

In waking up today, I wanted to tell the LORD "THANK YOU" for all the wonderful blessings I have received from Him all these years. So many times I get down in the dumps thinking of my trials. And yet, I want to turn them into thank yous. So, Mike's work takes him away sometimes for weeks at a time - thank you, LORD, that my husband has a job, loves it, it provides us with experiences we could never afford (living in foreign countries for years at a time), and gives us financial security. My kids are constantly in need of discipline - thank you, LORD, for the blessing of being a parent to five beautiful children who needed a mother and father to take care of them, they are one of the biggest joys in my life. My home is in a constant state of repair (it seems) - thank you, LORD, for a our house that is more than big enough to accomadate a family of seven, is used to host Biblestudies, and have friends over for parties, holidays, and dinners. The list could go on and on.

Though a lot of women dread their annual reminder that they are growing older, I look forward to it. I am excited to see how each birthday marks a tremendous growth pattern in my dependence on the LORD. I falter and fail at times and sometimes cannot see past my selfishness and stubborness. Yet, He is always there to pick me up and guide me to the next blessing in my life though I do not deserve it. This year, I celebrate being 35 as a wife and mother, living in Germany with a wonderful church family and military friends who support and love me every day. Happy birthday to me... from the LORD.

In Him,

Melissa

Happy Anniversary... from afar

Mike and I have been blessed to celebrate our 12th anniversary... apart. He was TDY in Souda Bay, Crete helping with the refugee evacuations from Libya. I was humbled by his attempt to help me catch a space available flight for one night to see him. He got all the military stuff taken care and then told me the "surprise". Thankfully, a friend volunteered to stay the night with the kids so I could go. The evening before, I got a call that the flight was cancelled. I was crushed! But I also thought, "If God allowed the fight to cancel, then there must be a better plan." The morning I was supposed to leave, Mike called to check in with me. He was sad that I couldn't go either. Then a few hours later, he told me they got the call to come home immediately - all of them! My plan would have seen me passing my husband in the air. I am thankful for God's bigger plan and that he brought my hubby home safely.

So Mike is now home. Yeah! And hopefully, he'll be able to stay home for my birthday in a couple of days.

Another parenting tip:

So here is another quick parenting tip we started using a couple of months ago - Stair Practice.

The thought behind it is that if you have enough energy to whine (that's why we started using it), be mean, argue, use rude manners, etc. then you have enough energy to do laps on the stairs. With whining, we asked our son to do laps on the stairs until he could do one whole lap without whining. This lasted a little while, but once he figured out how much work it is to whine, he has started doing it much less. We give a certain amount of laps for arguing, rudeness, and any other thing that deems appropriate of laps on the stairs. Being slow means they get more. And getting more means they might miss out on something fun like snack or tv. Give it a try! And then let me know what happens.

New Email Address

Mike's tdy has brought to life that we have some issues with our email provider. I was trying to check my emails, but was getting sent into a pattern that avoided my inbox. Then when I could access my email, it would take what seemed like forever to open a document. Then ultimately, it would freeze up our internet like it couldn't keep up with our email provider's advertisements. This is very frustrating when you are anticipating a love letter or even a call through skype.

Needless to say, I got a new email address. It has been a headache trying to establish our new account, but I already love the ease and flexibility of using it. My favorite thing so far is that I can now check email from my iTouch. I haven't been able to do that before because our old internet provider wanted me to pay for a Pop3 account. It is also much quicker to check. I am still trying to figure out little tricks, like adding new contacts, but I am getting there. I have to retrain myself to a new and much better format.

So if you need to get a hold of us, send me a message through the blog and I can email you our address. In the meantime, facebook always does the trick too.

I pray you are having a blessed day!

In Him,

Melissa

Februrary and early March update

Time flies so quickly these days. I think we tend to have a light schedule compared to most families theses days. And yet, I still feel like we are so busy with things that weeks pass into one another without notice. Whew!

Mid-February gave us the opportunity to visit an old neighbor of mine. It's been fifteen years since he lived next to my parents and now he and his wife are stationed here in Germany. We visited them in their beautiful town of Esslingen where they had a house warming party. We also spent most of Sunday with them taking a walk and watching our first Fashching parade (it's like a Mardi Gras parade). The kids had a lot of fun seeing all the different, elaborate costumes, and catching the candy being thrown out. Plus, they liked seeing the pranks being played on some of the crowd members. I was fortunate enough to get squirted in the face by a mask with a fish on the nose. Dasha was on the recieving end of a confetti fight. She enjoyed it though. We all had a great time there and hope to make it back again before we move.

February 25th, we celebrated Adoption Day #1. It's humbling to see how six years ago God answered mine and Mike's prayers to be parents. Dasha and Stasia are such beautiful young women now! We celebrated by going to Baskin Robbins again. The kids were so excited to pick out their own sundae to have all to themselves. I stuck with my favorite - peanut butter chocolate. Yummy!

We are now in early March with the Springtime upon us. The days are getting longer. We are anticipating the time change. The kids are pushing for Spring Break come April. I enjoy this time of the year where the sun starts to shine a little more and the flowers begin to bloom with the temperature's slow rise.

We are still not sure what the summer holds for us, but we'll definately spill the news if/when it comes.

In the meantime, I ask for your prayers for Mike. He got a call Thursday night and left the next morning on an indefinate TDY. He is with several crews in Souda Bay helping the Egyptians that are fleeing Libya into Tunisia. We are not sure how long he and the others will be gone. But please pray for Libya and everything else that is affected by what this country is going through.

Thanks for being a part of our lives!

In Him,

Melissa